Wednesday, November 25, 2009

The Queen's View of The Big Pour

Well hello lovers. It is I, The Queen. I am here today at the request of the One Who Burps to talk to you about my very first Beerfest experience. Usually he attends these events with his little beer buddies, while I sit at home with the Little Burpers. Okay, so that's a lie. I am usually out shopping with some of the beer wives. But that is neither here nor there. The point is, I attended this one with him (and two of our closest friends) and it was my first.

Now first and foremost, I must tell you a tiny little nothing bit of background info on me. Are you ready? Okay.


I am not a beer lover.


I know. I am sorry. Hey! I know! Stop yelling and throwing things! Let's all just calm down a little. I have slowly been developing a taste for beer over the past few months, and I rarely make that "Oh my god this is so disgusting" face after I take a sip of the Burper's beer. And recently, I have been known to knock back a few whole ones on my own. I know, right? Baby steps people. Baby steps.

So needless to say, I was a little nervous about what this day would bring. But I walked in with an open mind and left with a few faves. Without further ado, here is my review.

Please note: There are many "girly" beers on this list. News flash: I'm a girl. You don't have to try them, but I'm not gonna tell anyone if you do. It's our secret, okay? All righty then, where were we?

1. Lindeman's Framboise: I have had this before, it is divine. Seriously. It tastes like liquefied raspberry jam in a glass. So delish. Grade: a million Burps.

2. Dogfish Head Raison: Yummy. But kind of a yucky after taste. But it's fun to say. "Raison!" You have to kind of start your "r" sound in the back of your throat and then end it with a long "oh" sound and only a hint of the "n", just like the French. Say it with me - "Raison!" Ooh la la, oui oui! Grade: 3 burps (2 1/2 for taste and 1/2 for pronunciation).

3. Coney Island: Okay so obviously I was still concentrating on saying "Raison" and I forgot to write down which Coney Island I tried. But I did note that it was a little "gingery" with a nutty after taste. And just okay. Grade: 2 Burps.

4. Wyders Pear Cider: Gross. So so so gross. Not even Burp Grade material. Instead I give it a gag.

5. Wyders Raspberry Cider: Excellent. Light and refreshing, like a flavored mineral water. Grade: 3 Burps.

6. Redstone Meadery Black Raspberry Nectar: First sip was okay. Second sip not so good. An overwhelming flavor of cheap beer and cough syrup, but slightly fruity. Grade: 1 Burp.

7. Strongbow Cider: Oh. My. God. This is my most favorite thing in the whole world to drink. Just hook me up to an IV and I am happy. I paid so many visits to this booth, by the end of the night I was Facebook friends with the girl pouring. Grade: A million trillion bazillion Burps and four snaps in a Z formation.

8. Mikes Hard Lemonade - Spiced Apple: Delicious! Like Christmas in your mouth. I am pretty sure this is what Mrs. Claus is drinking while Santa is out doing deliveries. Grade: 4 Burps.

9. Full Sail Session Black - I was surprised at how good this was. I actually met the Pour Girl, Celeste, in the ladies room prior to tasting the beer. My girlfriend Lola and I were having a serious conversation about legalizing marijuana and Celeste piped in with her opinions. I liked her right away. She took good care of us the rest of the day. Another fun thing about this beer, there are drinking games in the cap! How cool is that? Fun and functional! And dudes, I am all about multi tasking, know what I mean? Grade: 4 Burps!

10. Session Lager - Not as good as the black, the aftertaste was a little too much for me. But because Celeste knew her stuff, I am still giving it 2 1/2 Burps.

11. Ace Pear Cider - Sweet and Yummy. Grade 3 Burps.

12. Fuller's London Pride - I know The One Who Burps loves this beer. And I feel a little guilty about saying this but BLECH!! Not good. Grade: 1 gag.

13. Stone Smoked Porter - I don't remember this one. My notes say it tasted like "dirt mixed with asshole." That can't be good. Grade: 1 gag.

14. Rogue Dead Guy Ale - Oh. My. God. So disgusting. Lola said this one was like swallowing a fart. Grade: 2 gags.

15. NYPD Pizza is the BOMB. (Obviously this is where I got a little loopy.) And just in case you are wondering, this note has nothing to do with beer.

16. Magner's Irish Cider - My notes say this one tastes like ass sitting in apples. Again, can't be good. Grade: 40 gags and a dry heave.

17. Old World Blonde - A deliciously refreshing and nutty beer. Loved it! Thank God The One Who Burps is friends with these guys. YUM! Grade - 4 Burps.

Well there you have it. All in all, my first Beerfest experience was a good one. I had a great time, learned a lot about beer and got to see my man in his element. It was wonderful and I am looking forward to the next one.

Until then, cheers!


Good Burp said...

I am so hurt you didn't like the Fuller's.

Caitlin said...

I am laughing so hard. This is the be funniest thing I've eva read. VIVA LA QUEEN! Even though Zach already read it, I read most of it out loud to him, just so I could laugh all over again. xoxo

Good Burp said...

Her writing puts me to shame! How can I follow that?