Friday, June 5, 2009

The Beer Dork

Ok. How can I say this without sounding pretentious, or like a flat out beer snob? I don't think I can.

Hey, beer dork. Shut up. You don't know what the hell you are talking about. You sound like an infomercial for Miller Lite. Are you seriously telling the people sitting with you that "triple hopping" was invented by Miller? Did you just describe the taste of Hops, as "Hoppy"? Yes you did, I heard you. I nearly shot my Stone Arrogant Bastard out of my nose.

What was that little gem you just spewed? Budweiser is the oldest beer in America? Are you serious Cliff Claven? Where are you getting this information? I think you are spending to much time watching the logos and commercials on Nascars. All that turning left must have made you dizzy. I need to ignore you now.

But I can't. All your bull shit is violating my ears. No, you can not tell the beer was made with rice because of the color. No, dark beer isn't made with brown rice. That's it. I am done.

You are just a dumbass. That's it. Nothing more. And it is idiots like you that make real "Beer Snobs" like us, look bad. So how about you actually put down your so-called "micro brew" (aka, Blue Moon) and try a real beer.


Seawolf said...

Forget your Arrogant Bastard, I just dribbled my oatmeal out of my nose!! I wouldn't have been able to contain myself in that situation.

Btw, I was at the AB tour, and the guide was describing the brewing process. He had 2-row barley, 6-row barley, rice and hops on display, and was describing their role in beer. He asked the crowd if we knew what two ingredients were missing, and without hesitation, my hand shot up and blurted "Water and Yeast". He looked at me with a surprised someone in his tour group actually knew the answer kind of look, and said "You're quite the beer enthusiast". If he only knew...

The moral of the story is, these people cater to a lesser beer drinker, and although the mouth breathing "craft brew" drinking idiot slugging down a Blue Moon doesn't know the first thing about beer, he's exactly the kind of person that their extensive marketing works on.

You might call yourself a beer snob, I say you're educated and enlightened.


Good Burp said...

Well said my friend.

It would have been funny if you answered, "Flavor"!

They might have escorted you out though.

MY said...

As one half of a homebrewing couple, I can honestly say that I have turned to my fiance at a bar and had this conversation:

Me: Can I tell you something?
Him: Sure...
Me: That blond guy that just came up to the bar?
Him: Yeah?
Me: Well, I thought he was pretty attractive.
Him: Yeah...
Me: Until he ordered a Bud Light.

Keep on blogging the good blog. Glad we found you, Good Burp.

- MY

Brian P said...

I love a good rant. Especially when I am in total agreeance. Every time Miller talks about triple hops and Bud touts amazing taste, I cringe.

At least Coors knows to promote what's truly good about their beer. It has the ability to get cold when put on ice. Amazing. Too bad their customers are so dim-witted that they need color changing labels to alert them when it's time to drink.

Silly little beer dorks. Continue to enjoy all the fizzy, yellow, tastless brew you want. It leaves more real beer for us snobs.