Happy Thanksgiving to Me!

It looks like Thanksgiving is going to be a couple days early this year. Thanks to the amazing people over at Draft magazine, I will be celebrating "The Big Pour" with thousands of my closest friends. Friends who love this amazing country, and good beer. I am so thankful that there will be more than 100 different breweries pouring beer for me to try. Isn't that great.

I will see you all there. I love this country!

-Prost!

Kegerator Part 1

I finally did it. I bought my freezer to build my 5 tap kergerator, or "Keezer" as most home brewers call it. It is nothing fancy now. But by this time next week, it should be fully functional and pouring up to 5 different beers from a 5 tap tower in my guy room.

My beer fridge just couldn't cut it anymore. There are just to many different beers that I love to keep in stock. That leaves little room for the many different beers I like to try every week. My wife gets upset when I fill up a shelf or two in the main fridge in the kitchen. She says that is what my beer fridge is for.

My plan is to get the keezer functional in the next 10 days. That way, I can enjoy the draft beer while I start the other project. The Bar.

The bar will be built to house the keezer and the beer fridge. If all goes according to my plan, I will have everything built and ready to go for the Holiday season. Who know, maybe I will have a Christmas party. That would be one hell of a party. One of the great ones where the cops show up!

-Prost!

I'm a stone cold gangster yo

Sometimes, you see something that has got to be a joke, or a punk. But it wasn't. It was proof that the world is full of idiots.

I stopped to get gas yesterday ($2.45 a gallon, Right On!). As I started entering my data into the pump, I hear some idiot driving up with his rap music blaring from his stock stereo. I say that because music (even rap) sounds so cool blaring out of a sweet system. But when a stock stereo is screaming for help with all that distortion, it makes me cringe, and laugh at the same time.

Back to the story.

As I start to pump the gas, I see the idiot pull up to the pump one row over from me. I started to smile. It was a big white Chevy cargo van. It gets better. I hear something to the effect of...."pop, crackle, crackle...I'm a stone cold gangster yo". Then the door from the van, opens.

I started to chuckle. A tall goofy looking white guy gets out of the van. He screams out, "I'M A STONE COLD GANGSTER YO"! I immediately started laughing. The guy looked like Ali G. He was wearing big gold Elvis glasses, and his straight out of Compton, LA Dodgers hat with the front on a little sideways. This had to be a joke. I kept laughing as he strutted into the store from something. Probably a 40 of Mickey's or King Cobra.

While "G" was in the store, a car pulled up to the pump between us. I was just waiting for my receipt from the pump when I hear,

"What's up baby? Yo fine". O my God. Did he really just say that out loud? You see, that car that pulled up had 2 girls in it. I start laughing again as I reached for my camera phone. I had to try to get a picture of this guy because people are not going to believe me when I tell them.

"Sup Baby. You want my numba. I'll give ya my numba."

I notice the driver has now hunched down into her car while the pump is still going. G hopped into his van, and proceeds to lean out his window in his attmpt to woo the laides.

"Whats yo numba baby. Gime yo numba.....Dam, Yo fine"

That's it, I lost it. I am started laughing hysterically. He must have heard me because his eloquent banter with the "fine" women ended, and he started up his sweet ass gangster plumbing van.

The first thing he does is turn up his stereo even louder than it was when he got there.
Pop, crackle, crackle,......."You Fuck'n with me, you Fuck'n with a P.I.M.P".

Just in case we didn't know by now, "G" let us all know again as he drove away.

"You Fuck'n with a P.I.M.P"!

- Cheers

Now I am the Master

I just came up with a new name for myself. For now on, I will demand for my friends and family to refer to me as, "The Beer Master". You may be asking yourself how I am able to make such a claim.

My friends like to call me, "The Beer Connoisseur", and for good reason. I admit, I have to agree with them. However, I think I have moved to on to the next level.

Here is my story.

I got an email from my cousin today. He was in dire need of help. So of course, he calls the Master (me). You see, my little cousin is in a desperate search. An all important search for an ever valuable beer.

You see, his friend from work was just transferred to "Beer Nirvana". a.k.a. Belgium. This guy has been living the dream, and drinking beer after beer from all the amazing Belgium breweries. Now, one of these sweet nectars has turned this rookie beer drinker into a beer lover.

He tells my cousin that he has got to find this beer as soon as possible, at any cost. Because I am who I am, I (The Connoisseur) was the first, and only call. It is enriching to teach the younger Miller Lite generation the way to enlightenment.

Without haste, I proceeded to give my lil cuz all the information he would need in order to be successful in his crusade.

The amazing part of this story is, I have this beer sitting in my fridge right now. In fact, I always have bottles of this in my fridge at all times.

To make my status legendary, I emailed a photo of myself drinking it at that very moment.

What beer could have been?

It was the infamous, Delirium Tremens.

I know...I know. I am the shit!

-Prost!

What happened to November?

I walked into the Home Depot yesterday to get some parts for my kegerator build.

(More on that Later)

I swear I just decorated my house for Halloween last week.

Yep, there are still orange lights and pumpkins on my porch.

I don’t understand. Isn't it November? I sure feels like November.

But 2 miles away at the Depot, it is Christmas time.

What happened to Thanksgiving? I didn’t get to eat turkey. I love turkey.

What happened to the month of November?

If I remember right, our great country got it start, in a round about way, in the great month of November. Our founding fathers landed early because they were running out of beer. How could the Home Depot forget about a monumental occasion such as this?

If they sold beer, I'm sure it would still be November there too.

Whorelloween, not just for adults anymore.

I don't know what to say. I wrote my last post about the women (WOMEN) who want to dress like Hookers in hopes of getting lucky, or making up for lost time in high school. But I was shocked by the number of adolescent school girls who came trick or treating to my house dressed in the very costumes I wrote about yesterday. What the hell?

What parent would allow their teenage daughter dress up like a prostitute for some candy? An actual prostitute might. But I doubt there are any in my neighborhood. What is wrong with parents today?

I think I know the answer to this question (they don't give a shit). Still, it amazes me that parents would allow their kids to dress like they work for Heidi Fleiss. Then they are all shocked and appalled when their 16 year old daughter comes home pregnant. The fact that the daddy has a semester of community college and a job as the night manager of the Burger King doesn't make it right.

I'm not trying to drag down family values of today, but come on. Have you ever watched Chris Hansen of Dateline? Parents, get your kids in line. Get a little involved. Don't let your daughters grow up to be a Prostitot.

October 31st, Whorelloween is here!

Can someone tell me when Halloween become National Slut Day? What happened to the ghosts, witches, princesses, and vampires? I will tell you what happened. They grew up, and became sluts (not that I am judging).
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The Witch grew into the Wicked Witch, and the Princess became a Hooker, while the Vampire became a Trampire. What happened to the innocence of Halloween? It used to be about the candy, and the pumpkins. Now, it is more about the "Tricks", than the Treats.
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However, to keep with the Halloween Spirit, I feel it is my duty to show you some of my favorites.
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The Pirate.
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I don't remember anyone looking like this on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland. Nor do I remember any in the the three movies . But I have a feeling if there had been, parts 2 and 3 would have been so much better!








A Devil.

Ok, I get this one. It is Halloween, and devils have always been popular. But for the life of me, I can honestly tell you that I don't remember a single one of them looking like this. It kind of makes you second think that whole, "devil is bad" thing, doesn't it.







A Nurse.

Hmmm.....I think I might be coming down with a fever. No wonder hospital bills are outrageous today. Who knew that they were offering "Escort Service" to their patients as well. I wonder how much insurance would cover.








The Mafia.
Wasn't she in The Godfather? No, it might have been Good Fellas. I just can't remember for sure.

It has got to be a difficult to hide a gun in that outfit somewhere. It has got to make it even harder to eliminate someone without being noticed in an outfit like this. This might not be the best choice of suit for a "Whacking".





Beer Wench

This is my favorite. You can't go wrong with this one. It is practical, colorful, and tasteful. Isn't that nice. She even has a beer in her hand for me. I feel so honored that she would feel the need to bring me a beer dressed as an authentic beer maid from Germany.


I just love Halloween!

-Prost