This Bud's for You

Note: It didn't work on Zerksis, and it didn't work on us.

Did you have absolutely nothing to do last Saturday night? If you one of the few, and didn't have anything to watch on your Tivo, then you might have done something stupid, like call your old girlfriend, or "drunk channel" surfed and crashed into the latest installment of Saturday Night Live.

The once famous show who gave us stars like Eddie Murphy, Bill Murray, Will Ferrell and Tim Meadows is a mere shell of it's once great self. To add insult to injury, along comes Anheuser Busch to drag the once funny show, further down their spilled beer drain.

I don't know who though it would be a good idea, but the CSI of beer (aka Bud Light Golden Wheat) was the sole sponsor for the entire show. Nearly ever commercial was a Bud Light Golden Wheat commercial. Every segment was brought to you by Bud Light Golden Wheat. There were even Bud Light Golden Wheat viewing parties around the country where I'm sure they handed out Bud Light Golden Wheat t-shirts and Bud Light Golden Wheat koosies.

As hard as I tried to watch the guy from 300 attempt to be funny, I just couldn't get over the constant bombardment of Bud Light Golden Wheat adds. It was nothing short of annoying. What disgust I already have for Anheuser Busch (which brings you Bud Light Golden Wheat) was magnified by the power of 10 burning suns!

Was it really necessary? Was it even a good idea? I don't think so. In fact, I think it probably had the complete opposite effect that AB (who brings you Bud Light Golden Wheat) was looking for. It became almost comical. In fact, the repeated commercials became the best humor of the night. Not for the comedic value, but for the joke that it was.

If not for that kid in the flying saucer balloon (which I think was sponsored by Bud Light Golden Wheat), this would be the worst publicity stunt of the year!

-Cheers

-This blog post was not brought to you by, Bud Light Golden Wheat.

Not enough beer in the world

I have been slacking. I haven't been here in nearly 2 weeks now. It is so unlike me. What has happened? Someone has entered my life and disrupted it. They have thrown my entire world off it's nicely spinning axis. And I don't know what to do to get it spinning again.

About 4 weeks ago, I was introduced to a guy who needed my services. A mutual friend hooked us up. And since I am a guy who loves to make money, I agreed to make the money without realizing the amount of time and wasted effort if would take to make this person happy.

I know I am good. And I figured that I would be able to spend the allotted amount of time with this guy, and make a big chuck of change. However, it seems Satan has sent his spawn and I am now stuck in a never ending vortex. And as of a few minutes ago, I it started all over again.

There isn't enough beer in the world to help me stay sane. I don't know what to do. I don't know when it will ever end. And I don't know what to do. I guess I am going to keep drinking as much beer as possible with hopes that the Happy Juice will take me away.

In the mean time, I have been going through the brews. Check out the "what I'm drinking section". I'm sure it is going to double in length this week.

-help!

Too much of a good thing?

Having beer on tap in your own home is the greatest thing created since beer itself. So great in fact that I enjoy a beer from my home built kegerator on a daily basis. Since I finished it about six weeks ago, i have had the same 3 beers on tap in which to choose from. All three of them are great beers. However, I think I might be getting a little bored with them.

I bet I sound like a spoiled athlete right now.

- "It's so hard to drink this much beer."

- "I'm tired of drinking all this beer this cheap."

- "It sucks drinking draft beer at home."

- "I'm just taking it 1 beer at a time."

- "I'm giving it 110%."

- "I want to thank God for giving me this opportunity."

I realized this weekend that I haven't been adding any news beers to my "what I'm drinking" sections lately. Ever since I set up my kegerator, all I drink is what I have on tap. This isn't the norm for my beer drinking habits. If you look at my beer list on the right, I was averaging 5 different beers a week. Let me tell you, this is a must for any beer drinker. There are thousands of different beers out there, and I want to try them all.

I'm beginning to worry that I might be causing irreversible damage to my skillfully trained beer palate. The steady stream of these same three beers could possibly be hurting my chances at going pro someday. And I have trained too long and too hard to just throw everything away.

I think it is time to hit the BevMo. I think I need to start experimenting again. So I ask you, my beer drinking friends. Give me some recommendations. What are the beer loving masses enjoying these days? It has been nearly two months since I last strayed. I am ready to drink

I feel so much better.

-Cheers!

Bloggin MoFo

I don't know why, but I decided to join the NaBloPoMo. For those who are acronym challenged, it stands for National Blog Posting Month. I am an idiot for deciding to join.

My wife talked me into it. It is all her fault. "It will be fun to post every day". Yep, every day for the month of November. (I don't understand because November has disappeared from the calendar this year).

Here I am on day 19 asking what I got myself into. Another 11 days of posts is what. Another 11 days of asking myself what I am going to blog about. Sure, I can blog about beer, but I am stocked up on all my favorites, Fuller's, Tennent's, Flying Dog, Hacker-Pschorr, Samuel Adams, and yes, Dogfish Head. So I can't give any reviews.

I just have to make it until Saturday. Saturday is the "Big Pour" beer festival. I am uber excited for it. I will be drinking with camera in hand. I will take plenty of pictures of drunk people (because they are funny) and chicks with big racks beer. That will get me through the Thanksgiving weekend for sure.

In the mean time. Thanks for reading. Keep the comments coming.

-Cheers

Party Foul

I went over to a friends house tonight to play poker. I am not much of a poker player, but I have fun anyway. Besides, it was a shitty day so I was looking to blow off a little steam. It was a perfect reason to drink some good beer.

As with most poker nights, it was BYOB. I prefer it that way because there is nothing worse than showing up and having nothing but Bud Light to drink. So I made a stop at the BevMo on my way over to get a few treats.

I picked up the usual favorites. Fuller's, Paulaner, Ayinger, and Tennent's. I also picked up a couple new ones just for fun. A Left Coast Sawtooth Ale and the new seasonal K-9 Cruiser Winter Ale from Flying Dog.

The night started off perfect with the pint of Ayinger. I then moved on to the Fuller's London Pride as I moved on the the next round. This was the highpoint of the night because my money soon ran out just as my Tennent's ran out. I needed something to make me feel a little better.

How about a little Holiday cheer in a bottle. Time to bust out the K-9 Cruiser Winter Ale.

I made my way to the kitchen to grab my bottle from the fridge. But something wasn't right. I swear I had only finished 3 of my beers. That should leave 3 more in the fridge. But I can only count 2. What happened?

I see the bottle of Left Hand, and the bottle of Paulaner. But the bottle of Flying Dog is missing. I didn't drink it. Did I misplace it? Did it get moved? What the hell happened?

Someone took it! I closed the fridge and scanned the kitchen. There it was. Sitting on the counter by the sink, empty! What the Fuck?

What kind of loser drinks another man's beer? And not just any beer, but a quality beer that everyone was asking about when I got there. Bringing a 6 pack of 6 different beers that they had never head of was like showing up in a Ferrari. But you don't steal the Ferrari when the owner isn't looking. You might ask for a ride (or a taste), but you don't take it.

I love to share beer with people. I will give you a beer just to hear your opinion of it. I will give you a beer with hopes that it might sway you to give up Coors. I will even buy you a beer to get you drunk. All you have to do is ask. But it pisses me off when they steal it. That just isn't right. That is a major Party Foul!

That sucks. I am out $20, and a beer.

My new Scottish friend.

Do you see that?
Huh?
Do ya, do ya?
Do you know what it is?
Sure, they are bottles of Tennent's.
But not regular Tennent's.
It is Tennent's 1885 Lager.
Do you know where I got them?
No, not BevMo.
They were hand delivered to me all the way from the Wellpark Brewery in Glasgow Scotland.
How freaking cool is that!

The Tennent's that I can get here in the states is like that foreign friend you have. He was born in Scotland, but he lives here now. He is still has a Scottish accent, but it's not quite as authentic as it once was.

My new Tennent's is like the old Tennent's older cousin. He still lives in Scotland, but just crossed the pond to visit his cousin for holiday. (I don't think he is going to make it back home). New Tennent's is a true William Wallace loving Scotsman. He loves his country and is proud to wear a kilt.

The story goes something like this. My wife helped this Scottish fellow with his finances. He lives in Scotland, and comes to the states to visit family every year for the holidays. He keeps money in accounts here so he doesn't loose it every time he exchanges currencies.

My wife was able to save him so much money, that he felt indebted to return the favor. By chance, he asked if she liked beer. What luck, I do. Being the cool wife she is, she told him that I love Tennent's. So he said he would bring some "Bud Light of Scotland" with him as a gift.

He was true to his word. He brought 4 bottles with him. Why is there only 2 in the pictures?

Because our skilled government employees in the customs department broke the other 2 bottles.

Next time, he said he would bring me a special limited release Guinness. I can hardly wait.

-Sláinte

Beer on my Ipod. Right on!

I love my Ipod. I usually carry it with me everywhere. Good thing too, because my boss has horrible taste in music. But I am getting sick of my songs. So what am I to do?

Podcasts!

O man, what have I been missing. Podcast are so cool. I can learn how to invest in the stock market or speak German. I can even find out about my fantasy football team. But the best thing I can learn about is, BEER!

Damn, this is so cool. I have spent hours listening to podcasts about beer. They talk about making beer, drinking beer, different kinds of beer, and everything beer. I love it.

There is Beer School, Basic Brewing Radio, Craft Beer Radio, and my favorite, Brew Crazy. I would listen to all these for the entertainment value alone. But the cool thing is that I learn all kinds of things about the wonderful world of beer. Everything from home brewing techniques and equipment, to all the different stles of beer.

I strongly recommend that you check out these beer podcasts. I'm sure you will learn something you didn't know about beer. The Ipod is so much more than just a music player now. Good thing, because I don't think I can go another day listening to Abba or Enya.

-Cheers!

Happy Thanksgiving to Me!

It looks like Thanksgiving is going to be a couple days early this year. Thanks to the amazing people over at Draft magazine, I will be celebrating "The Big Pour" with thousands of my closest friends. Friends who love this amazing country, and good beer. I am so thankful that there will be more than 100 different breweries pouring beer for me to try. Isn't that great.

I will see you all there. I love this country!

-Prost!

I'm a stone cold gangster yo

Sometimes, you see something that has got to be a joke, or a punk. But it wasn't. It was proof that the world is full of idiots.

I stopped to get gas yesterday ($2.45 a gallon, Right On!). As I started entering my data into the pump, I hear some idiot driving up with his rap music blaring from his stock stereo. I say that because music (even rap) sounds so cool blaring out of a sweet system. But when a stock stereo is screaming for help with all that distortion, it makes me cringe, and laugh at the same time.

Back to the story.

As I start to pump the gas, I see the idiot pull up to the pump one row over from me. I started to smile. It was a big white Chevy cargo van. It gets better. I hear something to the effect of...."pop, crackle, crackle...I'm a stone cold gangster yo". Then the door from the van, opens.

I started to chuckle. A tall goofy looking white guy gets out of the van. He screams out, "I'M A STONE COLD GANGSTER YO"! I immediately started laughing. The guy looked like Ali G. He was wearing big gold Elvis glasses, and his straight out of Compton, LA Dodgers hat with the front on a little sideways. This had to be a joke. I kept laughing as he strutted into the store from something. Probably a 40 of Mickey's or King Cobra.

While "G" was in the store, a car pulled up to the pump between us. I was just waiting for my receipt from the pump when I hear,

"What's up baby? Yo fine". O my God. Did he really just say that out loud? You see, that car that pulled up had 2 girls in it. I start laughing again as I reached for my camera phone. I had to try to get a picture of this guy because people are not going to believe me when I tell them.

"Sup Baby. You want my numba. I'll give ya my numba."

I notice the driver has now hunched down into her car while the pump is still going. G hopped into his van, and proceeds to lean out his window in his attmpt to woo the laides.

"Whats yo numba baby. Gime yo numba.....Dam, Yo fine"

That's it, I lost it. I am started laughing hysterically. He must have heard me because his eloquent banter with the "fine" women ended, and he started up his sweet ass gangster plumbing van.

The first thing he does is turn up his stereo even louder than it was when he got there.
Pop, crackle, crackle,......."You Fuck'n with me, you Fuck'n with a P.I.M.P".

Just in case we didn't know by now, "G" let us all know again as he drove away.

"You Fuck'n with a P.I.M.P"!

- Cheers

Now I am the Master

I just came up with a new name for myself. For now on, I will demand for my friends and family to refer to me as, "The Beer Master". You may be asking yourself how I am able to make such a claim.

My friends like to call me, "The Beer Connoisseur", and for good reason. I admit, I have to agree with them. However, I think I have moved to on to the next level.

Here is my story.

I got an email from my cousin today. He was in dire need of help. So of course, he calls the Master (me). You see, my little cousin is in a desperate search. An all important search for an ever valuable beer.

You see, his friend from work was just transferred to "Beer Nirvana". a.k.a. Belgium. This guy has been living the dream, and drinking beer after beer from all the amazing Belgium breweries. Now, one of these sweet nectars has turned this rookie beer drinker into a beer lover.

He tells my cousin that he has got to find this beer as soon as possible, at any cost. Because I am who I am, I (The Connoisseur) was the first, and only call. It is enriching to teach the younger Miller Lite generation the way to enlightenment.

Without haste, I proceeded to give my lil cuz all the information he would need in order to be successful in his crusade.

The amazing part of this story is, I have this beer sitting in my fridge right now. In fact, I always have bottles of this in my fridge at all times.

To make my status legendary, I emailed a photo of myself drinking it at that very moment.

What beer could have been?

It was the infamous, Delirium Tremens.

I know...I know. I am the shit!

-Prost!

What happened to November?

I walked into the Home Depot yesterday to get some parts for my kegerator build.

(More on that Later)

I swear I just decorated my house for Halloween last week.

Yep, there are still orange lights and pumpkins on my porch.

I don’t understand. Isn't it November? I sure feels like November.

But 2 miles away at the Depot, it is Christmas time.

What happened to Thanksgiving? I didn’t get to eat turkey. I love turkey.

What happened to the month of November?

If I remember right, our great country got it start, in a round about way, in the great month of November. Our founding fathers landed early because they were running out of beer. How could the Home Depot forget about a monumental occasion such as this?

If they sold beer, I'm sure it would still be November there too.

Whorelloween, not just for adults anymore.

I don't know what to say. I wrote my last post about the women (WOMEN) who want to dress like Hookers in hopes of getting lucky, or making up for lost time in high school. But I was shocked by the number of adolescent school girls who came trick or treating to my house dressed in the very costumes I wrote about yesterday. What the hell?

What parent would allow their teenage daughter dress up like a prostitute for some candy? An actual prostitute might. But I doubt there are any in my neighborhood. What is wrong with parents today?

I think I know the answer to this question (they don't give a shit). Still, it amazes me that parents would allow their kids to dress like they work for Heidi Fleiss. Then they are all shocked and appalled when their 16 year old daughter comes home pregnant. The fact that the daddy has a semester of community college and a job as the night manager of the Burger King doesn't make it right.

I'm not trying to drag down family values of today, but come on. Have you ever watched Chris Hansen of Dateline? Parents, get your kids in line. Get a little involved. Don't let your daughters grow up to be a Prostitot.

October 31st, Whorelloween is here!

Can someone tell me when Halloween become National Slut Day? What happened to the ghosts, witches, princesses, and vampires? I will tell you what happened. They grew up, and became sluts (not that I am judging).
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The Witch grew into the Wicked Witch, and the Princess became a Hooker, while the Vampire became a Trampire. What happened to the innocence of Halloween? It used to be about the candy, and the pumpkins. Now, it is more about the "Tricks", than the Treats.
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However, to keep with the Halloween Spirit, I feel it is my duty to show you some of my favorites.
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The Pirate.
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I don't remember anyone looking like this on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland. Nor do I remember any in the the three movies . But I have a feeling if there had been, parts 2 and 3 would have been so much better!








A Devil.

Ok, I get this one. It is Halloween, and devils have always been popular. But for the life of me, I can honestly tell you that I don't remember a single one of them looking like this. It kind of makes you second think that whole, "devil is bad" thing, doesn't it.







A Nurse.

Hmmm.....I think I might be coming down with a fever. No wonder hospital bills are outrageous today. Who knew that they were offering "Escort Service" to their patients as well. I wonder how much insurance would cover.








The Mafia.
Wasn't she in The Godfather? No, it might have been Good Fellas. I just can't remember for sure.

It has got to be a difficult to hide a gun in that outfit somewhere. It has got to make it even harder to eliminate someone without being noticed in an outfit like this. This might not be the best choice of suit for a "Whacking".





Beer Wench

This is my favorite. You can't go wrong with this one. It is practical, colorful, and tasteful. Isn't that nice. She even has a beer in her hand for me. I feel so honored that she would feel the need to bring me a beer dressed as an authentic beer maid from Germany.


I just love Halloween!

-Prost

Reason to Drink - Game 5

As if I needed another reason to drink beer. How do you blow a 7 run lead with only 9 outs to go? I don't know. I wish I knew.

I love baseball. I love it with a burning passion deep within my soul. It kills me when my team looses. It ruins my day, and can put me in the worst mood. So bad in fact, that a beer or 3 doesn't make me feel any better.

My teams are out of it this year, so I have to pick a surrogate team. Anyone who plays the Dodgers is usually my motto. But this post season, it is the Tampa Bay Rays. They beat one pair of Sox so I hope they can do it again.

I am siting here screaming obscenities at my TV. Why? I don't know. Maybe because I like to. I have seen some torrential meltdowns over the decades, but this is right up there. I don't necessarily hate the Boston Redsox, but dammit, I want the Rays to win.

I guess it isn't over yet. The series moves south for game 6 and 7. Hopefully it is a day game so all the blue hairs can get out and support the Rays before heading to Luby's by 4:30 for the senior citizens discount dinner.

8 runs in 2.2 innings. Amazing.

I need a beer.